I think I’m the only person on the planet who has not yet seen a single episode of American Idol, Survivor or Dancing with the Stars. And although I have seen the last season or so of The Biggest Loser (my fiancee is addicted), I’m not really a fan of reality shows. For the most part, they’re pretty harmless and because they’re cheap to produce, we’re sure to have a full roster of them for years to come. However, I think “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” series push things too far.
In this era of mega-competition, human beings are inclined to turn every life activity into a sport. School is not just about learning but about being the smartest, getting the best grades, one-upping your fellow scholar. (On a side note, grade competition has become so acute in many high schools that they have done away with valedictorians lest someone with a 6.8 GPA who comes in second sues the school board or shows up with an uzi.) Cooking isn’t simply about creating something tasty and satisfying; it’s now about what is the most attractive, most creative, most outlandish. Work has grossly evolved beyond a vocation or calling and is an arena to demonstrate achievement, measured in money, awards and power over others.
And now, with the arrival of marriage reality shows, wedding vows finally have their finish line. Sure, you have movies dating back to god knows when about two guys trying to win the girl. But most of these were comedies in which all parties ended up getting what they deserved and love was the winner. But is love the winner in these new marriage games? Are these shows, with their roulette speed-dating and cruel elimination scenarios, really about love and compassion and commitment? Or are they really just about ratings?
In the end, you can be passionate about sport, but ask anyone who is in love and they will tell you that their relationship is not a game. It’s not about winning or losing; it’s about giving and sharing. This is why I think these shows miss the mark. But I’d love to hear your opinion.
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I have found that these issues of “one upping” another person have always existed, but just carried out under different institutions or practices. I think marriage has been included in this sense of competitiveness in the past and present, but now we are witness to these reality shows that highlight this on a more direct scale and almost seem to provide a source for mockery for people who do take marriage and commitment seriously.So, I agree that these shows do miss the mark, but I don’t think that is necessarily because our values are changing or that it is just exclusive to this era.
I hold The Bachelor with the same esteem I give to other cheap, boring reality shows. I think, if nothing else, your post provided a great opportunity for reevaluation for people(like me) who are about to be married. That the “reality” of marriage is hard work and giving yourself to the other person.
Keep up the good posts and my apologies if this was a somewhat inarticulate response!
Thanks, Kara, for that insightful reply. I think you make a great point that there’s nothing really “real” about reality shows, as they are staged solely to entertain, for the most part. This makes the whole enterprise anything but authentic, and I’m not sure there’s anything more authentic than “real” love and marriage. Thanks for reading…
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