by Jeff on April 24, 2009
Groomasaurs Gal has been grumbly today (I’m trying to be kind) and I’ve been walking around in a haze, mostly because both of us tossed and turned in our sleep last night. So when I asked her a short while ago what I should blog about, she replied in a snarky voice, “Why don’t you talk about how little planning you’ve done lately.” Now, this isn’t completely true, and some of this is the lack of sleep talking, but she is correct in the fact that neither of us has done much planning as of late.
But her comment did make me think of a common, often unspoken misunderstanding among men and women. I’m going to choose my words carefully here to avoid what could be an onslaught of estrogen-laced vitriol, and remember that I’m not a sociologist (I just play one on TV). So here goes…
In past generations, men and women have often played certain sterotypic roles and filled, let’s say, “traditional” duties. This isn’t to say that these apply in all cases or that they are even valid moving forward as our species (hopefully) continues to evolve. You know the stereotypes. Women cook. Men change the oil in the car. Women care for the kids. Men build the kids a treehouse. Etc, etc.
I, for one, am glad many of these sterotypes are beginning to erode. Most of my guy friends take a very active role in raising their kids. Quite a few women I know are the primary breadwinners. A surprising number of guys like to cook (yours truly included) and are the main culinary experts in the household; this might be a harbinger of the decline of fine cuisine as we know it, but I’ve know a few horrible female cooks in my day, too, and they certainly didn’t keep Rachael Ray from doing her thing, so I’d say things are probably status quo here. Anyways, you get the point.
But one task/duty that is still considered the domain of women is planning a wedding. I know for a fact that many women consider wedding planning a labor of love … literally. But many others consider it utter drudgery, akin to root canals or a trip to the DMV. I think Groomasaurus Gal falls somewhere in between, as do probably most women. But us guys, not wanting to intrude or interfere in what we percieve is something that you want and like to do, are left limbo. We don’t want to take control over something you want and enjoy doing, but we also don’t want to sit on the sidelines (or, more likely, on the couch) while you steam around the house in anger that we aren’t pulling our fair share. In fact, many of us aren’t even sure how to bring up the topic because we don’t want to step on any toes.
So, if you feel this tension arising, or if you are really miffed or disappointed because we’re watching the World’s Strongest Man Marathon on ESPN while you’re picking out floral arrangements, take the high road and just tell us how we can contribute and how you want us involved. Unless your guy is a complete dolt, in which case you may want to reconsider marriage, he will do whatever it takes to make you happy. Because in the end we want you to be happy and love your life with us.
by Jeff on April 22, 2009
So I was thinking today of our planet today and all the damage we’ve inflicted upon it since the onset of the Industrial Revolution, but that became a bit overwhelming and, anyways, most of that wasn’t my fault anyway, so I tried to narrow it down and think about the damage I have personally inflicted on it.
Saving our planet ... one wedding at a time
In my younger years I did probably create my own personal ozone hole with all the gasoline I bought for my 72 Chevy Impala and all the styrofoam Big Mac boxes I nonchalantly tossed into the trash (which I’m sure are still sitting intact in a landfill somewhere in northern Ohio). But in the last 10 years I have made a much more concerted effort to be kind to our globe, and Groomasaurus Gal and I do whatever we can to recycle, reduce our fuel consumption (she has a Prius, me a Mini Cooper), turn out lights when leaving a room, rub our brittle hands together during the winter in our frigid house (Groomasaurus Gal keeps the thermostat pretty darn low), etc.
Which brings me to our wedding … today I feel a bit guilty because we’re having a destination wedding in Mexico, and all those people flying from Denver, St. Louis and various points west aren’t exactly making life any easier for Sammy the Engangered Snail or Ollie the Asthmatic Osprey. Airline travel is a big, big polluter, and there’s no rationalizing around this. So what to do…
To try and balance things out, we decided that we would try to cut back on some items. For instance, no printed paper invitations (we will e-mail all save-the-dates and invites). Buy “previously loved” wedding attire or use something we already own (which should give us ample selection). Stuff like that. In addition, we are leaning toward buying carbon offset credits from a site like CarbonFund or TerraPass so our CO2 emissions can be offset with green activities elsewhere.
Earth Day is great because it increases awareness of how we care for our environment, but it’s action that will make a difference. Hopefully we can do our small part to offset our wedding emissions (probably the first time those two words have been used together, and for good reason … it sounds like a farty wedding party).
by Jeff on April 17, 2009
Some people are born planners who can sit in a room for hours and assemble all the smallest details without as much as looking out the window. God love ‘em, but I’m not one of those people.
Maybe most guys are like this, but after about an hour I start fidgeting and looking around for anything else to do besides what I’ve been doing. This is why remote controls and the Internet are like magnets for most guys … when we get bored, we just start flitting around for the next shiny bauble that can hold our attention for longer than 30 seconds. There must be some evolutionary reason for this because almost every guy friend I have is like this.
So if your main squeeze is like me and has the attention span of an ADD squirrel, then I would suggest you plan with him in small bursts. Groomasaurus Gal and I have been setting aside an hour or two every week to take care of our wedding planning tasks, and it’s worked out really well. She feels like we making steady progress (she’s very task-minded), while I feel like I am doing my part and able to devote my full attention.
by Jeff on April 15, 2009
It’s funny, because when I’ve asked my married friends where we should start planning a wedding, I get all sorts of answers. Many say “budget,” which makes perfect sense, as we all know these things cost money. Other say “guest list,” which obviously affects the budget. Others say “start with what is important to you,” but in our case that would be a horrible place to start in that we’d probably start thinking about music, clothes and food and get distracted and spend all our wedding money on CDs and shoes and great restaurants instead and end up never getting married (how’s that for a run-on sentence).
But the one thing people didn’t say was that it’s important to set a schedule upfront for how you will plan your wedding. This past weekend we sat down to schedule out all the critical things that need to get done by our November wedding, and it really got us talking about what is important to each of us.
For example, when we thought about a deadline for asking people to be in the wedding party, it made us think if we actually wanted one. Both Groomasaurus Gal and I are in our 40s, and we have so many fabulous friends that it seemed a crime to choose only a few to be up there with us. We’re still considering the options, but it gave us pause to think about our priorities and how traditional a wedding ceremony we wanted.
In addition, scheduling everything out also made us think about how we were going to pay for everything over the next 8 months. When you start seeing deadlines for picking music and flowers and the like, you also begin considering how much money to save and if you can pay things off earlier so you don’t get hit with 28 big fat bills all at the same time (and since it’s tax day today, hopefully you all aren’t getting hit with big bills of your own).
Anyways, that’s all something to consider…
